#newmomproblems and Why I Love Them

4 months! Man, does time fly. Silas is growing, smiling, laughing, cooing, reaching, and responding more and more each day. Just look at this stud!

Seriously, Mom? More pictures?

For real though, he's freaking adorable.

He's super fun. Of course, this fun is not without early early mornings, tons of laundry, messy floors as I attempt to nurse my child and make breakfast at the same time, and other #newmomproblems. (You may have seen me use this hash tag on Twitter and/or Facebook. If not, you're sure to see it in the near future. ;))

I have had quite a few new mom problems since this crazy journey called motherhood began 4 months ago. There was my emotional breakdown in the doctor's office during Silas's two-month shots, the 15 minutes I spent walking around the outside of Briarwood every Wednesday for a month trying to find a stroller friendly entrance near the nursery (am I crazy or should there be way more ramps outside that place?), the massive load of laundry I dyed a not-so-subtle pink, and most recently the "newborn size" minion hat I purchased that makes Silas look like he's being eaten alive by Minion Dave. These are just a sampling.

Yeah... *face palm*

Contrary to what one might think, the fun has not come despite my new mom problems but in many cases, because of them. I was reflecting today on some of the things these problems (and other struggles that come along with being a parent in general) have taught me and decided a concrete, albeit condensed, list was in order.

I. #newmomproblems have taught me to stop being so dang anal about everything. You may chuckle, but it's a decently well known fact (my husband can verify if you have doubts) that I'm a Type A, IN(/S)TJ, nit picky control freak person. Quite frankly, it's not the most motherhood-friendly personality. Even so, over the past few months I've learned to embrace the unexpected, the spontaneous, the messy. I don't know when Silas will wake up each morning or what mood he'll be in that day. I can't control how many outfits he spits up on in a 24 hour period or when he will decide to pee all over me.... and the changing table... and himself during a routine diaper change. The funny thing is that I'm not just dealing with it, I'm enjoying it. I'm learning to loosen up, to give over the small details as well as the big ones to the Lord. He controls each and every minute and has a purpose for each and every "incident." Enjoying the ride is more than just fun - it's freedom.

II. #newmomproblems have given me some of the best memories to date. Seriously, they have! I can't wait to tell Silas about the time his entire wardrobe (well, a large portion of it at least) could have been donated to a little girl...or how many times he's thrown up on both his father and me, ruining what could have been a perfectly email-worthy video to the grandparents. I love sharing these moments with other new moms and hearing there own stories, too. In retrospect, they really are funny, and I know each of us will look back on them fondly, no matter what our feelings were at the time. Your baby is only a baby once, and you have to make the most of those moments before they're just memories. But even then - perhaps especially then - those stories make us smile.

III. #newmomproblems have shown me the gospel in new and refreshing ways. I've mentioned before how much actually having a son intensifies the meaning of the gospel for me. The idea of God giving His only son for my sin is far more tangible when I think about giving my own son up for...well, anything. But motherhood has taught me even more than that. I get a daily exercise in living in light of the gospel in what many would call "the mundane." I am learning not just to trust God when making life-altering decisions or facing some sort of crisis but also when I stub my toe on yet another plastic, noise-making toy or burn the toast because I'm redoing a swaddle for the umpteenth time. Gospel is not just a trump word that we use to make things seem holier than they are. It's truth, and it changes us from the inside out- not just on the dangerous mission field of the unreached Bugis people but also in the colorful new nursery of our not-yet-converted babies who need Jesus just as much as anyone.

At the end of the day, it's these mini-adventures that make my calling as a mom so exciting. I think C.S. Lewis sums it up well in this quote on life's interruptions:

“The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one’s ‘own’, or ‘real’ life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one’s real life – the life God is sending one day by day: what one calls one’s ‘real life’ is a phantom of one’s own imagination.”

Well put, sir. I couldn't agree more. 

Looking Forward to Not Looking Forward

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven... (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

We are constantly trying to prepare for the next season of life. When we're in high school, we're trying to get into a good college; when we're in college we're working to improve our resume so we can begin a successful career. Once we graduate we look forward to marriage, then a baby. After that we feel the need to constantly study up on the next stage of family life in an often vain attempt to feel prepared once it's here. At the same time, we grow nostalgic of newlywed life or college or even childhood.

There's nothing wrong with that, at least not inherently. I do find myself struggling to balance the extremes though- learning from the past, being faithful in the present, preparing for the future. It can be exhausting, and it makes me look forward all the more to the perfect and ultimate season we'll have in the new heaves and new earth. We'll no longer yearn for the "good ole' days" or feel the pressure of or unfulfilled longing for the next thing. We'll be right where we're supposed to be - where we were created to be - for eternity.

And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." And he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son. (Revelation 21:5-7)

As my husband puts it, "Everyday will be the best day, every moment the best moment." It will always be the last day of the school, the wedding day, the birthday. We will be perfectly content and at the same time, we'll never have our fill. Desire and desire satisfied, simultaneously, in the most intense way possible, forever.

 I can't wait.

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (Psalm 16:11)

The How Much More of Prayer

My husband and I talk...a lot. Specifically I mean we talk to each other a lot. We've been friends for 6 years and married 1 and a half those. We have a past, common interests, shared experiences. All of this and more means it's very easy for us to find things to talk about (so much so that I had to switch my devotional time from breakfast - that's now deemed "study time" since we essentially just discuss the things we're reading and learning the whole time - to in between Silas' early morning feeding and then.) Weaver is my best friend, so we talk.

I also talk to him a lot because he is the leader, provider, and protector of our (small) family. If I have questions, concerns, needs, wants, whatever, I go to him, and we talk it through.

To borrow some biblical verbiage- "how much more" should I talk to the God of the universe? I share in Jesus' body and blood and sufferings (Luke 22:19-20, 1 Peter 4:13). Jesus is in fact, a better friend than my husband. He is the head of the church (Colossians 1:18). God is the Father who has made us heirs (Romans 8:17), the warrior and rock that is higher than I (Jeremiah 20:11, Psalm 61:2). How much more should I find reason upon reason to talk to Him?

I recently read The Autobiography of George Muller. (I cannot recommend it highly enough.) In it Muller writes, "The primary business I must attend to every day is to fellowship with the Lord. The first concern is not how much I might serve the Lord, but how my inner man might be nourished." When Weaver has to work, I'm always anxious for him to come home so that I can spill the stories and questions and jokes I've been saving for him all day. In the mornings I look forward to waking him up and letting him know breakfast is ready, because I have come to expect good, meaningful conversation over our eggs and cups of coffee. How much more should I look forward to my morning meetings with Jesus, the founder and perfecter of my faith? How much more should I yearn for quality time with Yaweh, in the name of the Christ, in the power of the Spirit?

It should be infinitely more -"without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17).

So I talk. I ask. I sing. I thank The Lord that my sanctified ramblings are somehow bringing glory to his name. I kneel to eat and drink, tasting and seeing that He is good (Psalm 34:8 ). And in those moments I don't want to talk to anyone else; I gawk at the words and time I've used on lesser things. He listens, I listen. It's a sweet time. There are really just no words to describe it, and for once the lack of words is fine by me. It's what I've been wanting the whole time.

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forevermore. -Psalm 131:1-3